Friction Free Response

Here's a quickie for you today.

Do you know that dire old joke about a man waiting for the bus who had a carrot in his ear?

A helpful passer-by said, "Excuse me, do you know there's a carrot stuck in your ear?"

The reply (in case you didn't know) was, "Sorry, I can't hear you. I've got a carrot stuck in my ear".

Ba-doom!

Sorry about that  - I'll find a better joke next time.

But the reason I told it was that it's relevant, because quite a few businesses have carrots stuck in their ears, and it's costing them a fortune.

I gave you a good example not long ago - the "IDMF Team" - that hydra-headed beast that sends out e-mails - but doesn't reply.

But there are plenty more: usually people who broadcast e-mails, but also big, fat, lazy, greedy, stupid firms like AOL - which fittingly rhymes with rot in hell.

Not to mention all the people like them who ask you to fill in a questionnaire about their alleged service - then never reply to a specific comment you have, let alone tell you what the results of the survey were.

Years ago the direct marketing business was often called the direct response business. But of course, it's not a one-way affair - and those who act as though it is are being exceptionally stupid.

Always make it easy for people to respond and never send out a message where they can't.

That means, if they want to write, let them; if they want to phone, let them; if they want to e-mail, let them. And if they want to come and see you, let them.

There's an old phrase that applies: the customer is always right

Rather obvious, you may say - but many seemingly intelligent people running big organisations ignore it.

Who are the biggest culprits? Probably the banks and broadband "suppliers". True, they often allow you to reply - nowadays usually to somewhere in India.

And I feel really sorry for the poor souls who answer. They don't know Streatham from Iceland, they're given a script which makes no allowances for anything beyond the predictable, and they're being harassed to handle so many calls an hour.

Of course the consequence of all this never occurs to the supercilious "strategic planners" in Canary Wharf.

They get away with it, in the case of things like broadband because when everyone wants it, marketing doesn't matter.

But it will all come back to haunt these people as increasingly we sheep refuse to be shorn so easily.

And there are two reasons:

1. The internet, which allows people to shout their grievances to the world.
2. Competition.

You don't believe me? Well, remember when the banks only opened when it suited them.

They've come a long way - but not far enough.

Enough of this ranting!

Best,
Drayton

P.S.  This is number 21 of Drayton Bird’s 101 free helpful marketing ideas.  You can sign up on the link below for the rest.

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Website: www.draytonbirdcommonsense.com / www.eadim.com

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Beware The Weapons of Mass Deception

Alan Forrest Smith has written an excellent post in the copywriter's board.

You can read it here: Weapons of Mass Deception

That is definitely one of the best posts there.

I can say from personal experience, it's all true.

I spent tens of thousands of dollars on these so-called 'sure-things'.

Except, in my case, the very first company were incompetent and, in my view, liars.

They wouldn't even give me advice.

An example: After being 'told' how to decide what business to go into, I called them and asked, "I've been thinking about going into ..., what do you think?"

Their answer, constantly, was "if you think it's good you should do it".

Now I don't know about anyone else here, but when I pay someone thousands, I expect a teensy weensy little more than that.

The sad part is, this company is used by quite a few of the marketers to do the so-called training they're supposed to be doing.

The first time was through the rich jerk.

RJ has nothing to do with them except to outsource to them and make money.

A few months ago, I received a call from a company claiming to do the same thing, except I was expecting their call.

You see, I had called the guys from nitro asking about their program, just out of curiosity.

After speaking to this company, who said initially they were calling from nitro, I asked them straight if they were the same company who did the RJ stuff.

They confirmed they were.

They'd changed their name.

I found out after that they had gained a bad rep so had to trade under a different name.

Anyway, I thought I'd put that there as a warning to others.

I thank God I still have my home, car and family... unlike the guy in Alan's example.

So, to anyone who is new to business, whether online or off, beware these words of warning.