For The Deaf And Hard Of Hearing

Just kidding - but you'll see why in a minute.

Recently, after scrupulous research over many months, my partner Marta decided to buy a new flat screen TV, which she did through Amazon.

They use Parcelforce - "proud winners of Business in The Community's Healthy Workplaces Award 2006", who also seem rather excited because "Hitwise have recognised our online developments this year".

It's good to know they're all slaving away in such a splendid environment and such hot stuff on-line, though I wonder what exactly "on-line developments" are.

It was their touching attention to things that don't really matter to their customers that prompted my heading. Because if you want to talk to them there is even a text phone number for the Deaf and Hard of Hearing.

But what if, like Marta, you want to get a TV set delivered?

What if they're so useless they can't tell you even vaguely when it is likely to arrive - just any time between 8:00 am and 6 p.m. on a certain day?

And what if they couldn't even get the day right - so you spend 10 hours waiting - and it still hasn't arrived?

Then, what if the much-praised on-line developments tell you it's just arrived at 7:34 pm - which you know is a lie because you and two other people are looking out of the window?

And what if after you (eventually) get a reply from somebody on the phone - during a call you're paying for - which confirms that they do indeed only deliver - or in this case fail to deliver - between 8 and 6?

What then?

Well, you hang around the next morning till it does arrive.

Then you get an e-mail saying "Thank you for using our website" - with an apology, kind regards and of course details of the deaf phone number I mentioned, signed by an "Internet Advisor".

Hey, guess what, Parcelforce? I don't want internet advice. There are plenty of people like BT Broadband screwing me around on-line already, and they need no help from you.

I want you to deliver things. That's all you have to do. That's why Amazon (mistakenly, it seems) use you.

I'd like to sue the useless layabouts for taking Marta away from what she does extremely well and gets paid for - write copy.

But instead I'll just mention, for the second time in this series, the book below.



This book suggests you should try and do a proper job before you do anything else - or blether on about your irrelevant awards and your pleasant environment. How hard is that to understand?

Oddly enough many years ago Parcelforce were clients of mine, but they were then called Post Office Parcels.

They changed their name and spent a lot of time, money and executive angst over their new image. I used to wonder whether they should have invested it in doing a better job.

Now I have no doubt.

Best,
Drayton

P.S.  This is number 48 of Drayton Bird’s 101 free helpful marketing ideas.  You can sign up on the link below for the rest.

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Website: www.draytonbird.com / www.eadim.com

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